robbi sallimna

i was raised knowing no love but i love people hard. i havent really found a place that i can call home but im always the home to the people i love. i am the broken one who needs to be saved but i am the one who is busy mending pieces of the lives of others. of all days full of fears. of all nights filled with tears. dizzy all days muzzy all nights. helpless all days sleepless all nights. even exhausting busy on days fail to beat the loudness of the thought at nights. 

Allah i have only You Allah.......

goodbye Paan

still remember the Perisa F i told you long ago?  well.. one of them has gone last year. see im not joking when i say people come and go. they do come into my life and out of sudden go out of my life. he is not dead. life just took him away. he lives in a better place now. it was the hardest 7th ramadhan thats what i can tell you. you know what the hardest part is? i laughed when he answered coughing is stylish like a wise old man when i asked him why is he always coughing. i should have known that was the sign.

Alfatihah...

twenty seventeen

it has been a long time. a long long time. i have no idea why im back here i just do. twenty seventeen huh? almost two years. okay not two years but almost. one and a half years. quite a long time. not so long but yeah long. pretty long time. i dont know what im talking. two years.. sometimes i get warmer sometimes colder. i went through so many ups and downs but most of the time i was upside down. to tell the whole truth, it still is. people come and people go and no i cant blame them for it. they come and go just like me and i come and go just like the others.

in fact we dont belong to people forever.

indeed we belong to Allah.

kurnia

Sejurus melepasi pintu penghadang itu, setitis demi setitis air mata merembes. Laju menuruni pipi. Sebak cukup menguasai rasa. Aku tercari-cari di mana dia yang baru kutemui lewat sembilan jam yang lalu. Kotak plastik segi empat lutsinar satu demi satu aku lepasi dengan hati yang runtun. Tiub berselirat yang menemani setiap kotak berisi tersebut menambah rasa cemas dan sebak di dalam hatiku.

"Abang... Dia mana...?"

Sang suami senyum. Tangannya setia menolak kerusi roda sambil meramas lembut bahuku.

"Sabar ummi...Nuu, tak jauh dah."

Aku buru-buru bangkit daripada kerusi roda sebaik sahaja sang suami menghentikan tolakannya. Perlahan-lahan aku berjalan ke satu kotak terbuka. Alhamdulillah, tiada tiub. Laju sahaja air mataku merembes. Aku sentuh dia berhati-hati. Aku tatap rupanya. Aku amati setiap inci fizikalnya. Indah... Tiada kata untuk menggambarkan seluruh rasa yang bertakung dalam jiwaku kala ini. Sang suami menggenggam erat tanganku. Diseka pipiku lembut. Sempat sekilas itu kukalih mataku memandangnya. Ada air jernih di bucu sepasang mata itu. Berserta senyuman...

0605.
9 Disember 2015.
Terima kasih Ya Tuhan di atas kurnia.
=')

vacation.

my vacations are always be more to nature than shopping thing.
they make me sit down and think how adventure someone's life could be.
worse than you experienced.
worse than you ever thought.

birth date.

one day, Atikah came around my place. she gave me a box. a small box with a smiley on top of that. she was about to knock my head as i asked her what was that for. hahaa.. i don't really mind about how would i celebrate my own birthday. honestly i never. plus i'm not really good at numbers which makes it's quite hard for me to remember everyday-date. but it's a bliss you know...when somebody remember every good thing about you...not because you remind them to...but because they truly care. that can be considered as the reason why i never put my date of birth on my facebook profile.

to see who do really remember me.

the deadliest word.

silence is the deadliest word when it came from the one you care the most.

hari ini hari senyum

Hati berbunga...

kekwa

daisy

ros

tulip.

:)

tahun baharu. buku baharu.

Kekasih,
pimpin aku sepanjang aku di atas
sambut aku tatkala aku jatuh

Kekasih,
aku mahu hidup satu kali lagi. 

words. (part III)

i remember when i was in the teacher college, people used to call me brave, rough, rude, and many more middle name that jump into this category. the so-rightly-said person.
mean.


my friend, i need you to give me some more time. to improve my language. to brush up my social skills. my knowledge. my beauty of self-control. if you just hate me for what i was and i am today, you are no better than you said i am.
mean.

dua kuasa satu.

hidup ini ibarat roda. ada naik turun. kadang di atas kadang di bawah. aku yakin kau pernah dengar kata ini. dan aku lagi yakin kau mampu hadap hidup yang kau harung hari-hari itu. walau rasa macam neraka.

Tuhan tak bagi kita hidup saja-saja. ada sebab. ada hikmah atas setiap sesuatu. 

Tuhan tak bagi kita ujian suka-suka. Dia pandai. Dia bagi setimpal dengan kudrat upaya kita. kau rasa kau dah cukup lemah? dah cukup tak mampu? cuba kau celik mata tengok orang lain. cuba...

nasib kau kau sendiri patut ubah. tiada yang dapat tolong kalau hati kau sendiri lemah. buka mata, buka hati, buka fikiran. kau tak pernah sendiri kawan. kerna kau ada aku. aku ada kau... dan kita ada, Dia. mari? kita raih damai kita bersama.

rapuh. (Part I)

Aku buka tutup mata. Selimut aku tarik rapat-rapat ke dada. Sejuk. Entah mengapa mata kiri belah bawahku asyik berkerdip-kerdip lewat beberapa hari ini. Acapkali sengaja aku singkir jauh-jauh fikiran buruk yang menerjah. 

Aku toleh rakan sebilikku di sebelah. Cemburu aku melihat tidurnya yang begitu nyenyak, aku lantas bangkit mengambil telefon bimbitku lantas ditekan ikon facebook. Lama aku skrol daripada atas ke bawah. Berulang kali. Sehingga..., mataku tertancap pada satu status kawanku yang membuat dadaku berdetak kencang. Mataku serentak jadi hangat. Merah.

"Hakim!"

perbualan 30 julai. waktu insomnia.

Rover : kau pun kenal aku...aku ni keras hati....hati batu...aku susah nak sayang orang...padahal sudah jelas-jelas orang tu buat benda baik...

Ranger : aku cuba nak mintak kau lapangkan dada untuk terima orang. janganlah hukum orang lain dengan masa lalu kau. tak adil. untuk dia dan diri kau sendiri. maksudnya, kau belum redha dengan apa yang dah jadi dulu. lepaskanlah. maafkan diri kau sendiri. maafkan yang tepek luka kat kau tu.

Rover dongak langit. Rover pejam mata. Rover tarik nafas. dalam jantung Rover, bunyi suara Rover sendiri bergema berlanggar-langgar dalam empat chamber. 

"tak payah nak suruh orang lain sarung kasut kau.

orang lain tak ada masa nak rasa apa yang kau pernah rasa.

kau buka kasut kau.

buang plaster yang dah berlumut balut luka kau berbelas-belas tahun tu.

biar luka kau cepat kering.

bila dah jadi parut, tak sakit pun."

i'm walking on broken glass. (part II)

it is cold september.

but not any colder than your heart, you know.

tamu hati

kau yang memanggilku indah

sayang kau gapai tiada

dipujuk-pujuk resah

mendamba sabda hikmat

Kayangan...

kunanti saat bersatu.

kunci mulut.

Kosong kota kata.

Bisu.

Lelah dalam nafas sendiri...

ringgit itu rezeki. tetapi cinta itu juga rezeki.

bukan banyak yang aku kejar. aku cuma mahu cukup.

apapun, kita dapat seberapa dan sesiapa yang selayaknya kita dapat.

What the hell am I writing? Pfftt.

Dreams can be beautiful. 

Reality is not. 

But I can't stop dreaming,

for that's the only way I found some magical called...,

HOPE.

i'm walking on broken glass.

i told Mak, "Mak, i want to get married soon. in a discipline way."
have no idea about the word discipline there. but it happened.
then, i found myself in an empty small room.
a lack-of-light-and-sound room.
i looked up.
i looked down.
i saw broken window glass laying on the floor.
they were everywhere.
that was when i realize i was standing on the broken glass.
unfortunately there was no other way to get out of the room.
had to continue walking on the broken glass.
lots of cuts on the sole of my feet.
felt terribly terrible.
wanted to cry but i could not.
it hurts........................


not my feet.
my heart.

no sane man wouldn't miss everything that make them smile ear to ear.

it's funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. ever heard?