goodbye Paan

still remember the Perisa F i told you long ago?  well.. one of them has gone last year. see im not joking when i say people come and go. they do come into my life and out of sudden go out of my life. he is not dead. life just took him away. he lives in a better place now. it was the hardest 7th ramadhan thats what i can tell you. you know what the hardest part is? i laughed when he answered coughing is stylish like a wise old man when i asked him why is he always coughing. i should have known that was the sign.

Alfatihah...

twenty seventeen

it has been a long time. a long long time. i have no idea why im back here i just do. twenty seventeen huh? almost two years. okay not two years but almost. one and a half years. quite a long time. not so long but yeah long. pretty long time. i dont know what im talking. two years.. sometimes i get warmer sometimes colder. i went through so many ups and downs but most of the time i was upside down. to tell the whole truth, it still is. people come and people go and no i cant blame them for it. they come and go just like me and i come and go just like the others.

in fact we dont belong to people forever.

indeed we belong to Allah.

birth date.

one day, Atikah came around my place. she gave me a box. a small box with a smiley on top of that. she was about to knock my head as i asked her what was that for. hahaa.. i don't really mind about how would i celebrate my own birthday. honestly i never. plus i'm not really good at numbers which makes it's quite hard for me to remember everyday-date. but it's a bliss you know...when somebody remember every good thing about you...not because you remind them to...but because they truly care. that can be considered as the reason why i never put my date of birth on my facebook profile.

to see who do really remember me.

the deadliest word.

silence is the deadliest word when it came from the one you care the most.

words. (part III)

i remember when i was in the teacher college, people used to call me brave, rough, rude, and many more middle name that jump into this category. the so-rightly-said person.
mean.


my friend, i need you to give me some more time. to improve my language. to brush up my social skills. my knowledge. my beauty of self-control. if you just hate me for what i was and i am today, you are no better than you said i am.
mean.

perbualan 30 julai. waktu insomnia.

Rover : kau pun kenal aku...aku ni keras hati....hati batu...aku susah nak sayang orang...padahal sudah jelas-jelas orang tu buat benda baik...

Ranger : aku cuba nak mintak kau lapangkan dada untuk terima orang. janganlah hukum orang lain dengan masa lalu kau. tak adil. untuk dia dan diri kau sendiri. maksudnya, kau belum redha dengan apa yang dah jadi dulu. lepaskanlah. maafkan diri kau sendiri. maafkan yang tepek luka kat kau tu.

Rover dongak langit. Rover pejam mata. Rover tarik nafas. dalam jantung Rover, bunyi suara Rover sendiri bergema berlanggar-langgar dalam empat chamber. 

"tak payah nak suruh orang lain sarung kasut kau.

orang lain tak ada masa nak rasa apa yang kau pernah rasa.

kau buka kasut kau.

buang plaster yang dah berlumut balut luka kau berbelas-belas tahun tu.

biar luka kau cepat kering.

bila dah jadi parut, tak sakit pun."

i'm walking on broken glass. (part II)

it is cold september.

but not any colder than your heart, you know.

kunci mulut.

Kosong kota kata.

Bisu.

Lelah dalam nafas sendiri...

ringgit itu rezeki. tetapi cinta itu juga rezeki.

bukan banyak yang aku kejar. aku cuma mahu cukup.

apapun, kita dapat seberapa dan sesiapa yang selayaknya kita dapat.

no sane man wouldn't miss everything that make them smile ear to ear.

it's funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. ever heard?

the emptiness.

what am doing with my life...?

what i've done...?

and what will i do...?

this feeling.

this feeling......is...

this..this feeling..........

this feeling..................................

this feeling...

this feeling is................

o' Allah............this feeling is...i don't know...it's terrible..i know i laugh too much lately..and i know this is never a good sign..help me, Allah..

Johor : the land for the workaholic teachers.

wonder what four days holidays included the one day given by JDT should be filled.

coffee? 

checkmate.

clearly, it's a trap of its own. it's you who put yourself in that trap but you blame Mak. now you're gunning for our sympathy but hey, you know it's too late. i don't mean to hurt you...you taught us that every mistake comes with its punishment. remember that? we want no more reasons from you neither will we give any for the silence we made when you asked us to talk. you never listened, so we'll never tell. silence IS the answer. look, you better finish what you have started fourteen years ago or Mak will.

acquaintances.

Dear Allah, i understand if You take them away from me...they first took away me from You. because i'm Yours.

truly Yours.

orang.

aku : kenapa mak pukul?

mak : sebab pukul la kau jadi orang.

aku : manusia tak boleh berperasaan takut dan sayang terhadap satu orang yang sama dalam satu-satu masa. kita fikir, dengan memukul kanak-kanak, kita dapat menyebabkan kanak-kanak itu mengikut perintah kita tetapi kita lupa bahawa sedikit demi sedikit kita kehilangan rasa hormat kanak-kanak tersebut terhadap kita. kita lupa suatu hari nanti kanak-kanak itu akan dewasa dan kuat. kita pula akan jadi tua. kita yang lemah. bumi ni berpu- 

mak : kau jangan pukul anak murid...

aku : nanti tak jadi orang.

mak : ...

teacher's real world is more to management than teaching.

sometimes i feel like quitting

because dealing with children

is much easier than with bureaucracy.

memang seronok.

memang seronok bukan kepalang rasanya bila hari dah gelap, kau duduk kat pinggir bangunan. kat kaki lima. kiri kanan orang kau tak kenal. rumah kau jauh kena lalu highway. tapi dalam dompet kau cuma ada beberapa syiling dan sekeping duit kertas-

ringgit malaysia satu.

memang seronok. 

rezeki itu...

... juga adalah suatu bentuk ujian,

apakah kita bersyukur atau takbur dengan adanya.

confusad

i don’t like how i feel about you these days. i don’t feel the same like i did when i was a little child. i’m far from easy about you. to be frank, i believe so are you. she's the brand new one but you put Mak to be the second. the optional.

you know what? you have a new family but i have only you. the old you. the just you.