18 May 2013

reflect before be refracted.

i am Fantaghirò.
no no no you missed the point. not the beautiful part.
but the impatient, cruel, rebellious, disobedient.
sometimes i am tough enough.
sometimes i get weak. i get stuck. and i get lost.
but that doesn't really matter
'cause i live with my determination and courage.
i follow my instinct which makes me never be alone.
but then i see, my arrogant has stop people from loving me.

once again. i apologize.

16 May 2013

met your other half, huh?

you can say what you want
but what do you want to say is nothing.
not reply any of my messages on cell phone
not pick up my call
pick up my call and say no words
ignore my private message on facebook.
that is not cool, stranger. terribly not cool.



i understand if you want no more conversations.
all rough and rude the way i am...........

15 May 2013

i want a Jeep. and Ajib (my chum) ahaha..

nothing to say. my life is at its best. even i don't always have what i want, i  have what i need. because all need in this world is my parents.

mind the difference between in this world and in my life. when i say in this world, it means in this small, temporary world. of course i need god, religion, bla bla bla uh do you need a checklist? i hate miscommunication. i hate misunderstanding. i hate it when i say 'b' and people understand as 'd'. it's miles worse if they turn it upside down and see as 'p'. people scolded me for being act (as they said) and told me to afraid of god when i said i'm not afraid of anything. i told them, i never know god is a 'thing'. some people might be born to muddy the water, i guess. i hate it. i bet not one living soul could stand it. 


i'm not angry. i'm just a bird. i am free. ahahahahaha [?]

10 May 2013

shall i call you 'mate' anymore?

people tell me to end the fright that clog me.
what more you worry about, you don't have a dream about her anymore.

yes that is what scares me so. i used to had a dream about her almost every single night. i'm afraid i don't even miss her. probably not love too. the mood all changed. i wonder whether we can be good friends like we used to, or so it seems. it's too paradoxical to say that i don't care about her no more while i'm still thinking of her.

i watch her sometimes wandering in the rain. i guess she just hide her tears. but her spirit is still as red as strawberries. that means she's alright anyway.

or so i wish.

09 May 2013

perkara yang paling sukar mungkin sahaja melepaskan perkara lepas yang paling sukar.

aku letak jari kelingking sebelah kiri pada permukaan kekunci berlabel 'A', jari hantu sebelah kanan pada 'K', dan bersedia untuk meletakkan jari telunjuk sebelah kanan pada 'U'. aku cuba taip. ok aku berjaya. tapi cuma perkataan 'aku'. aku...aku...aku... aku genggam kedua-dua belah tangan dan meletakkan genggaman sebelah kiri di atas meja dengan genggaman sebelah kanan di atasnya. aku letak dahi aku atas dua genggaman tersebut sambil pejam mata. bibir aku, aku gerak-gerakkan mengikut lagu The Hardest Part nyanyian Coldplay. 

...and the hardest part was letting go, not taking part...

Media Player Classic Home Cinema terus memainkan muzik-muzik Coldplay dan aku terus cuba ikut menyanyi lagu The Scientist.

...come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry...
...tell you i set you apart...

...oh let's go back to the start...

...nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
oh, take me back to the start...

...don't speak as loud as my heart
and tell me you love me, come back and haunt me...

aku berhenti sampai tell me you love me. itu aku lama dahulu. lama sebelum rasa bersalah duduk dalam hati aku dan membakar hati aku macam asid. aku tarik nafas dalam-dalam. aku lepaskan. aku lepaskan bersama-sama ingatan peristiwa-peristiwa lampau yang gelap dan segumpal harapan aku yang tak rasional. aku tak lagi mengharapkan rasa sayangnya. apa yang aku harapkan adalah lebih besar dan jauh lebih berat daripada itu.



sebuah kemaafan.



aku rasa aku dan kau berbeza.
aku tak pernah beri apa-apa pada kau melainkan
keburukan dan kesusahan.

maafkan aku.


darjah

 
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