22 December 2014

birth date.

one day, Atikah came around my place. she gave me a box. a small box with a smiley on top of that. she was about to knock my head as i asked her what was that for. hahaa.. i don't really mind about how would i celebrate my own birthday. honestly i never. plus i'm not really good at numbers which makes it's quite hard for me to remember everyday-date. but it's a bliss you know...when somebody remember every good thing about you...not because you remind them to...but because they truly care. that can be considered as the reason why i never put my date of birth on my facebook profile.
to see who do really remember me.

17 December 2014

the deadliest word.

silence is the deadliest word when it came from the one you care the most.

14 November 2014

tahu apa yang aku paling mahu tentang kau? lupakan kau.


semalam pagi aku bangun dari tidur, aku letak tapak tangan atas kepala. bahagian serebrum. aku raup. aku kumpul semua ingatan aku pada kau. aku pekup kuat-kuat supaya tak tercicir. aku renyukkan. aku gumpalkan. aku letak dalam beg plastik bising. aku ikat mati. aku hidupkan enjin perodua kelisa aku. aku pacu. pada pertengahan jalan, aku buka tingkap, aku humban beg plastik bising yang ada ingatan terhadap kau tadi tu kat atas jalan raya. biar nanti kalau lori simen lalu, lori simen akan gilis sampai hancur lunyai. tiba-tiba ada bunyi hon dari arah belakang. panjang. dan lantang.


"hoi saudari! apa buang sampah merata alam?!"


aku berhentikan kereta di pinggir jalan. aku kutip semula beg plastik bising tu. aku sumbat dalam kocek seluar. aku lintas jalan. aku hela nafas. atas tempat duduk pemandu, aku terpinga-pinga. dari langit hitam, gerimis turun menyuruh aku pulang ke rumah. tak jadi jogging, aku pulas stereng. aku patah balik ke rumah. dah masuk bulan keempat aku cuba buang dan dengan pelbagai cara. hujung-hujung, gagal jugak. itulah sebabnya ingatan terhadap kau tu masih ada pada aku.


07 November 2014

arrhythmia.


alhamdulillah... i pass the medical check-up at last.
just a minor arrhythmia.
no need to worry much eventhough it bothers me much.
i guess people need time as logic as they're made of.
time is Allah's secret. nobody knows what will happen to themselves in the future
not to mention tomorrow
not in a minute
not even in a second
when the time is right, we all will be back to where we're from :-





Allah.





28 October 2014

hari ini hari senyum

Hati berbunga...

kekwa
daisy
ros
tulip.

:)

26 October 2014

engkau.

Bibir itu bibir engkau
Mata itu mata engkau
Kening itu kening engkau
Hidung itu hidung engkau
Dagu itu dagu engkau
Janggut itu janggut engkau
Cara usapan muka itu cara usapan muka engkau
Cara melihat telefon mobail itu cara melihat telefon mobail engkau
Dan baju itu baju favourite engkau.
Tapi lagi-lagi aku bagitahu diri aku itu bukan engkau.

Engkau dan aku masing-masing menghala ke utara dan selatan. Terpisah. Tuhan...alamat apakah pada hari pertama dalam tahun ini yang Kau cuba tunjukkan ?

24 October 2014

tahun baharu. buku baharu.


Kekasih,
pimpin aku sepanjang aku di atas
sambut aku tatkala aku jatuh

Kekasih,
aku mahu hidup satu kali lagi. 

04 October 2014

j a r a k .



kau kat Bukit Gambir. aku kat Bukit Indah.

tapi bukan itu yang menjarakkan kita.
yang menjarakkan kita ialah kau yang sifar ikhlas.

kau kena faham tu.





03 October 2014

words. (part III)




i remember when i was in the teacher college, people used to call me brave, rough, rude, and many more middle name that jump into this category. the so-rightly-said person.
mean.


my friend, i need you to give me some more time. to improve my language. to brush up my social skills. my knowledge. my beauty of self-control. if you just hate me for what i was and i am today, you are no better than you said i am.
mean.


29 September 2014

life.


even a solid huge icy mountain experienced a glacier.
what there's to complain about?


just shut up and smile.



20 September 2014

dua kuasa satu.


hidup ini ibarat roda. ada naik turun. kadang di atas kadang di bawah. aku yakin kau pernah dengar kata ini. dan aku lagi yakin kau mampu hadap hidup yang kau harung hari-hari itu. walau rasa macam neraka.

Tuhan tak bagi kita hidup saja-saja. ada sebab. ada hikmah atas setiap sesuatu. 

Tuhan tak bagi kita ujian suka-suka. Dia pandai. Dia bagi setimpal dengan kudrat upaya kita. kau rasa kau dah cukup lemah? dah cukup tak mampu? cuba kau celik mata tengok orang lain. cuba...

nasib kau kau sendiri patut ubah. tiada yang dapat tolong kalau hati kau sendiri lemah. buka mata, buka hati, buka fikiran. kau tak pernah sendiri kawan. kerna kau ada aku. aku ada kau... dan kita ada, Dia. mari? kita raih damai kita bersama.

rapuh. (Part I)

Aku buka tutup mata. Selimut aku tarik rapat-rapat ke dada. Sejuk. Entah mengapa mata kiri belah bawahku asyik berkerdip-kerdip lewat beberapa hari ini. Acapkali sengaja aku singkir jauh-jauh fikiran buruk yang menerjah. 

Aku toleh rakan sebilikku di sebelah. Cemburu aku melihat tidurnya yang begitu nyenyak, aku lantas bangkit mengambil telefon bimbitku lantas ditekan ikon facebook. Lama aku skrol daripada atas ke bawah. Berulang kali. Sehingga..., mataku tertancap pada satu status kawanku yang membuat dadaku berdetak kencang. Mataku serentak jadi hangat. Merah.

"Hakim!"

us minus you equal to me.


you asked me for a chance and i gave you a chance.
unfortunately chance is not all that you want.

i asked you for time and you gave me time.
unfortunately time is destroying us.



17 September 2014

perbualan 30 julai. waktu insomnia.

Rover : kau pun kenal aku...aku ni keras hati....hati batu...aku susah nak sayang orang...padahal sudah jelas-jelas orang tu buat benda baik...

Ranger : aku cuba nak mintak kau lapangkan dada untuk terima orang. janganlah hukum orang lain dengan masa lalu kau. tak adil. untuk dia dan diri kau sendiri. maksudnya, kau belum redha dengan apa yang dah jadi dulu. lepaskanlah. maafkan diri kau sendiri. maafkan yang tepek luka kat kau tu.

Rover dongak langit. Rover pejam mata. Rover tarik nafas. dalam jantung Rover, bunyi suara Rover sendiri bergema berlanggar-langgar dalam empat chamber

"tak payah nak suruh orang lain sarung kasut kau.
orang lain tak ada masa nak rasa apa yang kau pernah rasa.
kau buka kasut kau.
buang plaster yang dah berlumut balut luka kau berbelas-belas tahun tu.
biar luka kau cepat kering.
bila dah jadi parut, tak sakit pun."



14 September 2014

i'm walking on broken glass. (part II)



it is cold september.
but not any colder than your heart, you know.


30 August 2014

tears and hope.


26 August 2014

choices.

it's not that i chose you.
how can i choose if you are the only one i have.

my only Wan.

23 August 2014

dizzy is a bliss.

22 August 2014

tamu hati


kau yang memanggilku indah
sayang kau gapai tiada
dipujuk-pujuk resah
mendamba sabda hikmat

Kayangan...
kunanti saat bersatu.


20 August 2014

kunci mulut.



Kosong kota kata.
Bisu.
Lelah dalam nafas sendiri...


19 August 2014

ringgit itu rezeki. tetapi cinta itu juga rezeki.


bukan banyak yang aku kejar. aku cuma mahu cukup.
apapun, kita dapat seberapa dan sesiapa yang selayaknya kita dapat.


18 August 2014

What the hell am I writing? Pfftt.


Dreams can be beautiful. 
Reality is not. 
But I can't stop dreaming,
for that's the only way I found some magical called...,









HOPE.









12 August 2014

i'm walking on broken glass.


i told Mak, "Mak, i want to get married soon. in a discipline way."
have no idea about the word discipline there. but it happened.
then, i found myself in an empty small room.
a lack-of-light-and-sound room.
i looked up.
i looked down.
i saw broken window glass laying on the floor.
they were everywhere.
that was when i realize i was standing on the broken glass.
unfortunately there was no other way to get out of the room.
had to continue walking on the broken glass.
lots of cuts on the sole of my feet.
felt terribly terrible.
wanted to cry but i could not.
it hurts........................


not my feet.
my heart.


10 August 2014

no sane man wouldn't miss everything that make them smile ear to ear.


it's funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. ever heard?

08 August 2014

the emptiness.



































what am doing with my life...?
what i've done...?
and what will i do...?

06 August 2014

this feeling.

this feeling......is...


this..this feeling..........






this feeling..................................

















this feeling...


this feeling is................




o' Allah............this feeling is...i don't know...it's terrible..i know i laugh too much lately..and i know this is never a good sign..help me, Allah..




24 July 2014

this is bllsht.


every time you break my heart and you know it, you ask "are you alright?"
like always i pretend like everything's fine. i say "i'm fine."
do you know what 'fine' really means?


fck off. i'm not going to deal with this sht.

19 July 2014

gila babas.

ini gila. ini kerja gila. betul-betul gila.
hmm aku pulak macam tak ready je...tapi, nak tunggu aku ready tu entah bila zaman.
masa tak tunggu siapa-siapa.

ah! rempuh je!

18 July 2014

some people found something in a place where they least expected. i found it in a flat screen.

february
me : sorry...i rarely use this space.
somebody : never mind. which area do you live in? work or study?
me : bukit indah. finish study. not work yet. have not pass the medical check up yet.


march
somebody : sorry...it has been a while since i last onlined. where do you work?
me : don't know yet. seems like out of the peninsular.
somebody : out of the peninsular? sabah and sarawak? what job is that?
me : just a teacher.
somebody : oh...don't you mind to be sent there? hehehe [carefree]
me : have no idea. life's full of surprises.


may
me : it has been a long time since i last onlined.
somebody : hehe it's okay. where are you? sarawak?
me : guess what?
somebody : next to me.
me : i got at Taman Nusa Damai.
somebody : oh...it's near to me. i live in Taman Scientex.
me : yeah you're right. next to you. next to your Taman (housing area).


people come and go.
i hope the one who came back will stay forever. stay. here with me.
who knows...

life's full of surprises.


16 July 2014

Sad eyes.

 .
'R' once did told me that i got a pair of sad eyes.
and she use to always ask, 
"are you happy?"
Back then, i just answer with a big smile or laugh.
Truthfully "R".
me myself is confuse. 
do i really happy? 
   p/s: Someone is trying to make herself smile... :)

12 July 2014

terbalik.

dia datang dari kampung.
pernah sekali tu dia tanya aku okay tak dengan dia.
dia cakap dia cuma budak kampung.
aku cakap aku lagi kampung. whatsapp tak ada. wechat tak ada.
haa malas nak layan sebenarnya.
aku tak ambil port pun pasal kampung tak kampung.
okay? sambung semula.


dia datang dari kampung. tempat semua benda jalan perlahan dan tenang.
aku datang dari bandar. tempat semua benda jalan dalam kelajuan cahaya.
kecuali trafik. duh! hmm itu satu perkara yang lain.
tapi bila cakap pasal hubungan, terbalik pulak.
dia rush.
sekejap-sekejap ajak ikut balik kampung.
sekejap-sekejap cakap pasal jumpa mak ayah.
memang aku nak. cuma aku perlu masa.
mungkin esok. mungkin esok-esok.
ish...pening ar. apa nak jawab ni..... hahahahaha :|




05 July 2014

Allah...please don't let him take me away from you.


04 July 2014

the news.



my admirer, my favourite student and my ehem ehem have a same name.

i know that's not exactly news. so, throw it away. hahaha


01 July 2014

for patience is a virtue.


me : i've learnt to love a set of you..your perfections and imperfections..i tried everything, everything to be perfect..you know i've tried so hard..but in the end you're not for me..you chose her instead..what makes her so special..? what does she have that i don't..?

he : the patience.





27 June 2014

Johor : the land for the workaholic teachers.


wonder what four days holidays included the one day given by JDT should be filled.

coffee? 



25 June 2014

Keep read it


This is not my own writing. I share it here just in case you never read it before and trust me, it inspires a lot. And plus, I just loveeeeeeeeee coffee.. *peace* (^^,)Y





The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Source: http://www.facebook.com/Impossible2Possible
 

23 June 2014

perantau

tengah hari Jumaat, ayah pulang dari kerja. di muka pintu, ayah hulur sebuah buku. aku ambil tanpa bertanya mahupun menyatakan terima kasih. lama dahulu, ayah selalu bercerita tentang sastera. ayah suka akan sastera. ayah betul-betul suka akan sastera. dia rajin sebut-sebut novel-novel kegemarannya supaya aku turut membaca, menghadam, dan merasai apa yang dia lalui sepanjang meletakkan diri pada posisi watak-watak dalam novel-novel tersebut. kalau ada yang mengusulkan supaya sastera perlu digugurkan daripada kurikulum sekolah bagi memberi lebih masa pada matapelajaran-matapelajaran mainstream pada Zaman Skrin Sentuh sekarang, sekeras-kerasnya ayah menidakkan. ayah akan bercakap tentang kesan mempelajari sastera terhadap moral dan peradaban manusia. apapun, bagus juga ayah beri novel ini. pinjam, sebenarnya. tapi tak mengapa. sekurang-kurangnya bolehlah aku racunkan rasa bosan sementara menunggu panggilan temuduga. sekarang, label aku ialah penganggur. bukan lagi perantau.

bekas perantau. 



Aziz Jahpin. Kubaca nama penulisnya. aku jamu mata dengan ilustrasi kulitnya. kulit novel itu dominan warna kuning matahari-pukul-sepuluh-pagi. ada garisan-garisan rambang yang mungkin dihasilkan daripada pen marker hitam atau berus kaligrafi dan dakwat. (aku cuma mengagak.) garisan tersebut menegak dari atas ke bawah. sedikit-sedikit sahaja yang melintang. garisan tersebut seolah-olah membentuk sekumpulan manusia yang sedang berdiri berlatarbelakangkan pokok-pokok yang tinggi. di belakang pokok-pokok tersebut pula ada garisan-garisan halus silang pangkah yang aku tebak sebagai awan serta rupa bulat berwarna putih yang mungkin boleh aku namakannya; bulan penuh. pada dada-dada manusia tadi juga ada warna putih. di depan mereka pula ada garisan lingkaran yang tidak sempurna dan kelihatan seperti dicakar-cakar. macam kawad duri. di bahagian paling bawah, ada tulisan huruf besar bermukataip Franklin Gothic Heavy Bold.

PULANGLAH PERANTAU.













29-11-2013

15 June 2014

boyfriend

Mak : i will go to stadium this saturday.
me : what for?
Mak : teacher’s day celebration.
me : let me send you there.
Mak : there’s no need. i’ll be going with Sikin.

Mak : i’d love to meet my old boyfriend.
me : new boyfriend, don’t you wish? (whatevs face)
Mak : heh.. (wtf face)
me : hahahahaha...

14 June 2014

bual bicara bersama Ajib (mukasurat II)

Ajib murung. dari tempat duduk sebelah pemandu, aku renung mata Ajib. dia tak toleh. aku renung lagi lama. pun dia tak toleh. tak gila babi macam selalu, masa itu dia pandu kereta dengan 'slowmo'. 

Ajib : dua tiga menjak ni, mak aku 'touching' je. lauk aku hidang dari pagi pun tak di-apa-kan. macam tu, macam tu la (macam mana aku hidang, macam itulah kesudahannya). 

aku : layankan je la Ajib..orang tua memang la macam tu. macam mana kita datang, macam tu la kita balik. blablabla...blablabla...blablabla



Ajib : ................................. *angguk lemah.



sepanjang perjalanan lebih dua ratus batu, dia banyak senyap. salah aku, aku sepatutnya faham bukan alasan atau ulasan yang dia minta tetapi dia perlu seseorang untuk pinjamkan dia telinga.

17 May 2014

checkmate.

clearly, it's a trap of its own. it's you who put yourself in that trap but you blame Mak. now you're gunning for our sympathy but hey, you know it's too late. i don't mean to hurt you...you taught us that every mistake comes with its punishment. remember that? we want no more reasons from you neither will we give any for the silence we made when you asked us to talk. you never listened, so we'll never tell. silence IS the answer. look, you better finish what you have started fourteen years ago or Mak will.

16 May 2014

listen.

so kids will listen to you.

happy teacher's day.

10 May 2014

dongak.

Allah...siapalah aku untuk meminta-minta...
tapi, siapa lagi untuk aku meminta-minta selain daripada Kau.

09 May 2014

pandangan kita adalah di mana kita berada.

kau cerita pung pang pung pang masa kau duduk kat kerusi sebelah pemandu tu bukan main lagi. hakikatnya, bila kau duduk kat kerusi pemandu, situasinya 110% berbeza daripada apa yang kau bayangkan. sebab apa? sebab bila kau duduk kat kerusi sebelah tu, yang kau buat cuma cakap. cakap cakap cakap. 

cakap



cakap



cakap lagi.

kat kerusi pemandu, kau bukan setakat kena perhati betul-betul apa yang kau nampak, tapi kena fikir dan kena dengar. termasuklah dengar apa yang orang kat kerusi sebelah pemandu tu pung-pang-kan. yang paling serius, kau kena bertindak. cepat.

07 May 2014

acquaintances.

Dear Allah, i understand if You take them away from me...they first took away me from You. because i'm Yours.

truly Yours.

03 May 2014

orang.



aku : kenapa mak pukul?


mak : sebab pukul la kau jadi orang.

aku : manusia tak boleh berperasaan takut dan sayang terhadap satu orang yang sama dalam satu-satu masa. kita fikir, dengan memukul kanak-kanak, kita dapat menyebabkan kanak-kanak itu mengikut perintah kita tetapi kita lupa bahawa sedikit demi sedikit kita kehilangan rasa hormat kanak-kanak tersebut terhadap kita. kita lupa suatu hari nanti kanak-kanak itu akan dewasa dan kuat. kita pula akan jadi tua. kita yang lemah. bumi ni berpu- 

mak : kau jangan pukul anak murid...

aku : nanti tak jadi orang.

mak : ...

16 April 2014

Dear Phyca,

This is palm estate. And I use this road everyday to go to school.
Real job, real atmosphere and a real brand new experience. It's quite happy but still I must admit, I miss so much things here. And of course one of those things is you.
Till we meet again young girl.
Stay strong. Stay happy.

Sincerely,
Your Sis

08 April 2014

teacher's real world is more to management than teaching.

sometimes i feel like quitting
because dealing with children
is much easier than with bureaucracy.

01 April 2014

memang seronok.

memang seronok bukan kepalang rasanya bila hari dah gelap, kau duduk kat pinggir bangunan. kat kaki lima. kiri kanan orang kau tak kenal. rumah kau jauh kena lalu highway. tapi dalam dompet kau cuma ada beberapa syiling dan sekeping duit kertas-


ringgit malaysia satu.

memang seronok. 

24 March 2014

learner.


22 March 2014

everyday is beautiful. to those who open their eyes.


darjah

catatan

 
bloggerbukan.gila.kuasa