rumah batu, pensel kayu.

jam lima – masih gelap – lap air mata – 

tangan memegang pensel – 

selak helaian kertas ada contengan rumah bentuk pensel.

aku mahu tinggal dalam rumah bentuk pensel.

chasing tomorrow in a haze of life.

when a pessimist wishes that tomorrow could wait for him,

an optimist waits for tomorrow.

when a pessimist waits for tomorrow,

an optimist chases tomorrow.

take me back to where i’m from.

being adult is not like what i thought when i was a little child. i want to be a child again. and forever. i rather cry because father don’t give me an ice cream while my brothers got one each than cry because i know the word ‘Unfair’ and feel the sharp pain as the Unfair bite my heart.

i’m not talking about didn’t get an ice cream.

but time, space and chance.

tammat.

aku datang ke Klinik Kesihatan Tampoi awal pagi ini untuk ambil darah. lagi. untuk tabung ketiga. beri darah sebenarnya. beri darah untuk doktor buat ujian. kali ini untuk menyemak kandungan mineral pula. aku pun tak faham kenapa tidak dibuat ketiga-tiga ujian serentak dengan menggunakan satu tabung sampel darah sahaja. supaya tidak aku bazirkan darah banyak-banyak sampai tiga tabung. orang cakap, jangan benci apa yang kita tak faham. aku tersetuju dan akhirnya, aku batukan diri. turut saja barang dikata. masa lapang membuatkan minda aku dengan tiba-tiba tumbuh suatu figura maya. tolonglah datang ke klinik hari ini. aku sudah muak menunggu. bukan kau. giliran.

sambil menunggu giliran, aku baca Gerabak Bersama Imaginasi dalam naskhah Bogel Menuju Tuhan. mungkin patut aku akur persamaan hujung cerita aku dan pemuda misteri ini dengan penutup catatan Gerabak Bersama Imaginasi. ah!

23.02.2014

09:00

tentang pemuda misteri di klinik tampoi yang siuman tetapi bikin aku macam tidak siuman.

sudah dua hari aku pulang dari klinik

dengan jiwa yang terdera

dan semangat yang cedera.

pulangnya aku

tidak lagi ditemani renungan matanya

tetapi ditemani tanda tanya.

mana dia?

#krik krik

miaww!~

saya gemar akan budak-budak. lagi-lagi yang jenis kecil molek bulat tembam comel lagi kiut-miut macam si qaid ni. geram sampai rasa mahu saja gigit banyak-banyak-banyak. hee, betullah macam phyca cakap. gemar boleh menimbulkan geram. eh? ke terbalik. geram boleh menimbulkan gemar? errrrr..apa-apa sajalah labu. =P


p/s: budak-budak tak comel jangan kecil hati. tak comel pun saya suka. meh ambil choki-choki meh? ^^

i have so many questions to ask you.

06.02.2014

i know you were watching me when i was waiting outside Room 15 to take my blood pressure reading and when i looked at you, you looked away. so, i just ignored. typical random situation, i guessed. i left Room 15 and entered Room 14. you're in there. watching me doing eye test. i tittered for i had no idea how to use the instrument. i stared at you for an answer how to use it but all you did was watching me. you did not speak. you did not smile. you did not utter a sound. you did not even blink your eyes. you just sat there watching me. i wonder if you are a ghost. are you?

my pulse were quite fast. the doctor told me to come back to the clinic at two post meridiem to take the reading again so that i can continue with blood test. what a surprise. you’re still there when i came back. after several times plus several ways trying to check my pulse including result from ECG electrode, the nurse still did not satisfy. rather faster. definitely, it was not because of you. it’s my normal pulse. i came here just to do a medical check-up but ended up having an appointment. not with you. with the doctor. but, let me assume it is with you. can i?

i waited outside Room 22, you're there. watching me. or at least that’s what i saw. i waited outside Room 19, you're there. waiting too. after seconds i entered Room 19, i saw the door’s opened. it’s you. you were everywhere, you know? why must you?

your blood pressure is low. just like mine. you said not a single word to me nor did i say to you. not even exchanged smiles. but, i hope our eyes spoke the same language. i heard you said “twenty-seven” when the doctor asked about your age. you don’t look like you from the south but you spoke Johor-Riau. where exactly do you come from? where do you live? i have so many questions to ask you.

09.02.2014

i came to the clinic again this very day for a blood test. with a hope you'll be there and an expectation you won't be there. guess what? hope won over expectation. with your unofficial JDT round neck cotton black t-shirt on. unfortunately, you were rushing for something. you did not stay at one place for long. worst of all, you looked nowhere but at your cell phone. hey, what’s your name? do you realize you looked like somebody named Ramlan. is Ramlan your name? even if it’s not, can i call you Ramlan, Ramlan? do you have a friend; somebody you hope to last your whole life, Ramlan? when will be your next appointment? please be on 19th. i have so many questions to ask you.