22 April 2017

luluh

Jangan kau sangka orang tak menangis depan orang lain pasal hati dia keras. Malangnya yang lembut hati itu dia sampai akhirnya hati dia hancur luluh. Nak rasa terluka apanya...da hancur. 

03 April 2017

robbi sallimna

i was raised knowing no love but i love people hard. i havent really found a place that i can call home but im always the home to the people i love. i am the broken one who needs to be saved but i am the one who is busy mending pieces of the lives of others. of all days full of fears. of all nights filled with tears. dizzy all days muzzy all nights. helpless all days sleepless all nights. even exhausting busy on days fail to beat the loudness of the thought at nights. 

Allah i have only You Allah.......

12 January 2017

goodbye Paan

still remember the Perisa F i told you long ago?  well.. one of them has gone last year. see im not joking when i say people come and go. they do come into my life and out of sudden go out of my life. he is not dead. life just took him away. he lives in a better place now. it was the hardest 7th ramadhan thats what i can tell you. you know what the hardest part is? i laughed when he answered coughing is stylish like a wise old man when i asked him why is he always coughing. i should have known that was the sign.

Alfatihah...

stay away

remember you told me to stay away from negative people on the very first day of this year?  well it is you that ive decided to stay away. 

you said communication is vital in a relationship but everytime we communicate you make me feel like i cannot talk to you. you make me feel guilty. you make me feel like everything is my fault. you never admit to your wrongs. you said you hate egoist. must i say that it is yourself that you hate? look. im exhausted. 

remember you said you dont chase people? neither do i. 

01 January 2017

twenty seventeen

it has been a long time. a long long time. i have no idea why im back here i just do. twenty seventeen huh? almost two years. okay not two years but almost. one and a half years. quite a long time. not so long but yeah long. pretty long time. i dont know what im talking. two years.. sometimes i get warmer sometimes colder. i went through so many ups and downs but most of the time i was upside down. to tell the whole truth, it still is. people come and people go and no i cant blame them for it. they come and go just like me and i come and go just like the others.

in fact we dont belong to people forever.

indeed we belong to Allah.

16 December 2015

kurnia

Sejurus melepasi pintu penghadang itu, setitis demi setitis air mata merembes. Laju menuruni pipi. Sebak cukup menguasai rasa. Aku tercari-cari di mana dia yang baru kutemui lewat sembilan jam yang lalu. Kotak plastik segi empat lutsinar satu demi satu aku lepasi dengan hati yang runtun. Tiub berselirat yang menemani setiap kotak berisi tersebut menambah rasa cemas dan sebak di dalam hatiku.

"Abang... Dia mana...?"

Sang suami senyum. Tangannya setia menolak kerusi roda sambil meramas lembut bahuku.

"Sabar ummi...Nuu, tak jauh dah."

Aku buru-buru bangkit daripada kerusi roda sebaik sahaja sang suami menghentikan tolakannya. Perlahan-lahan aku berjalan ke satu kotak terbuka. Alhamdulillah, tiada tiub. Laju sahaja air mataku merembes. Aku sentuh dia berhati-hati. Aku tatap rupanya. Aku amati setiap inci fizikalnya. Indah... Tiada kata untuk menggambarkan seluruh rasa yang bertakung dalam jiwaku kala ini. Sang suami menggenggam erat tanganku. Diseka pipiku lembut. Sempat sekilas itu kukalih mataku memandangnya. Ada air jernih di bucu sepasang mata itu. Berserta senyuman...

0605.
9 Disember 2015.
Terima kasih Ya Tuhan di atas kurnia.
=')

08 June 2015

vacation.

my vacations are always be more to nature than shopping thing.
they make me sit down and thinking how adventure someone's life could be.
worse than you experienced.
worse than you ever thought.


21 February 2015

i'm walking on broken glass. (part III)


i acted like i don't give a... i sang pop as i walked into my room. slowly i shut the door and locked myself in this little box. the walls threw back the echoes of Mak's voice. she doesn't like my new boyfriend. in fact, she didn't like my previous boyfriend too. and the boy before him. for they aren't in the same field just like me. you know what...a teacher. this is the fourth time maybe more...she told me to find her a teacher-son-in-law. i don't blame her either. she's already went through hell.



there's a fine line between trauma and learned from lesson.



18 February 2015

birth date. (part 2)

the best part was not the surprise belated birthday party but the heart to heart between Sol, Li, Rose and me in Sol's mobile on our way home. 80km/h was 180km/h.. how time flies...

22 December 2014

birth date.

one day, Atikah came around my place. she gave me a box. a small box with a smiley on top of that. she was about to knock my head as i asked her what was that for. hahaa.. i don't really mind about how would i celebrate my own birthday. honestly i never. plus i'm not really good at numbers which makes it's quite hard for me to remember everyday-date. but it's a bliss you know...when somebody remember every good thing about you...not because you remind them to...but because they truly care. that can be considered as the reason why i never put my date of birth on my facebook profile.
to see who do really remember me.

17 December 2014

the deadliest word.

silence is the deadliest word when it came from the one you care the most.

14 November 2014

tahu apa yang aku paling mahu tentang kau? lupakan kau.


semalam pagi aku bangun dari tidur, aku letak tapak tangan atas kepala. bahagian serebrum. aku raup. aku kumpul semua ingatan aku pada kau. aku pekup kuat-kuat supaya tak tercicir. aku renyukkan. aku gumpalkan. aku letak dalam beg plastik bising. aku ikat mati. aku hidupkan enjin perodua kelisa aku. aku pacu. pada pertengahan jalan, aku buka tingkap, aku humban beg plastik bising yang ada ingatan terhadap kau tadi tu kat atas jalan raya. biar nanti kalau lori simen lalu, lori simen akan gilis sampai hancur lunyai. tiba-tiba ada bunyi hon dari arah belakang. panjang. dan lantang.


"hoi saudari! apa buang sampah merata alam?!"


aku berhentikan kereta di pinggir jalan. aku kutip semula beg plastik bising tu. aku sumbat dalam kocek seluar. aku lintas jalan. aku hela nafas. atas tempat duduk pemandu, aku terpinga-pinga. dari langit hitam, gerimis turun menyuruh aku pulang ke rumah. tak jadi jogging, aku pulas stereng. aku patah balik ke rumah. dah masuk bulan keempat aku cuba buang dan dengan pelbagai cara. hujung-hujung, gagal jugak. itulah sebabnya ingatan terhadap kau tu masih ada pada aku.


07 November 2014

arrhythmia.


alhamdulillah... i pass the medical check-up at last.
just a minor arrhythmia.
no need to worry much eventhough it bothers me much.
i guess people need time as logic as they're made of.
time is Allah's secret. nobody knows what will happen to themselves in the future
not to mention tomorrow
not in a minute
not even in a second
when the time is right, we all will be back to where we're from :-





Allah.





28 October 2014

hari ini hari senyum

Hati berbunga...

kekwa
daisy
ros
tulip.

:)

26 October 2014

engkau.

Bibir itu bibir engkau
Mata itu mata engkau
Kening itu kening engkau
Hidung itu hidung engkau
Dagu itu dagu engkau
Janggut itu janggut engkau
Cara usapan muka itu cara usapan muka engkau
Cara melihat telefon mobail itu cara melihat telefon mobail engkau
Dan baju itu baju favourite engkau.
Tapi lagi-lagi aku bagitahu diri aku itu bukan engkau.

Engkau dan aku masing-masing menghala ke utara dan selatan. Terpisah. Tuhan...alamat apakah pada hari pertama dalam tahun ini yang Kau cuba tunjukkan ?

24 October 2014

tahun baharu. buku baharu.


Kekasih,
pimpin aku sepanjang aku di atas
sambut aku tatkala aku jatuh

Kekasih,
aku mahu hidup satu kali lagi. 

04 October 2014

j a r a k .



kau kat Bukit Gambir. aku kat Bukit Indah.

tapi bukan itu yang menjarakkan kita.
yang menjarakkan kita ialah kau yang sifar ikhlas.

kau kena faham tu.





03 October 2014

words. (part III)




i remember when i was in the teacher college, people used to call me brave, rough, rude, and many more middle name that jump into this category. the so-rightly-said person.
mean.


my friend, i need you to give me some more time. to improve my language. to brush up my social skills. my knowledge. my beauty of self-control. if you just hate me for what i was and i am today, you are no better than you said i am.
mean.


29 September 2014

life.


even a solid huge icy mountain experienced a glacier.
what there's to complain about?


just shut up and smile.



20 September 2014

dua kuasa satu.


hidup ini ibarat roda. ada naik turun. kadang di atas kadang di bawah. aku yakin kau pernah dengar kata ini. dan aku lagi yakin kau mampu hadap hidup yang kau harung hari-hari itu. walau rasa macam neraka.

Tuhan tak bagi kita hidup saja-saja. ada sebab. ada hikmah atas setiap sesuatu. 

Tuhan tak bagi kita ujian suka-suka. Dia pandai. Dia bagi setimpal dengan kudrat upaya kita. kau rasa kau dah cukup lemah? dah cukup tak mampu? cuba kau celik mata tengok orang lain. cuba...

nasib kau kau sendiri patut ubah. tiada yang dapat tolong kalau hati kau sendiri lemah. buka mata, buka hati, buka fikiran. kau tak pernah sendiri kawan. kerna kau ada aku. aku ada kau... dan kita ada, Dia. mari? kita raih damai kita bersama.

darjah

 
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