no sane man wouldn't miss everything that make them smile ear to ear.

it's funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. ever heard?

the emptiness.

what am doing with my life...?

what i've done...?

and what will i do...?

this feeling.

this feeling......is...

this..this feeling..........

this feeling..................................

this feeling...

this feeling is................

o' Allah............this feeling is...i don't know...it's terrible..i know i laugh too much lately..and i know this is never a good sign..help me, Allah..

Sad eyes.

 .

'R' once did told me that i got a pair of sad eyes.

and she use to always ask, 

"are you happy?"

Back then, i just answer with a big smile or laugh.

Truthfully "R".

me myself is confuse. 

do i really happy? 

   p/s: Someone is trying to make herself smile... :)

Johor : the land for the workaholic teachers.

wonder what four days holidays included the one day given by JDT should be filled.

coffee? 

Keep read it

This is not my own writing. I share it here just in case you never read it before and trust me, it inspires a lot. And plus, I just loveeeeeeeeee coffee.. *peace* (^^,)Y

The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Source: http://www.facebook.com/Impossible2Possible

 

perantau

tengah hari Jumaat, ayah pulang dari kerja. di muka pintu, ayah hulur sebuah buku. aku ambil tanpa bertanya mahupun menyatakan terima kasih. lama dahulu, ayah selalu bercerita tentang sastera. ayah suka akan sastera. ayah betul-betul suka akan sastera. dia rajin sebut-sebut novel-novel kegemarannya supaya aku turut membaca, menghadam, dan merasai apa yang dia lalui sepanjang meletakkan diri pada posisi watak-watak dalam novel-novel tersebut. kalau ada yang mengusulkan supaya sastera perlu digugurkan daripada kurikulum sekolah bagi memberi lebih masa pada matapelajaran-matapelajaran mainstream pada Zaman Skrin Sentuh sekarang, sekeras-kerasnya ayah menidakkan. ayah akan bercakap tentang kesan mempelajari sastera terhadap moral dan peradaban manusia. apapun, bagus juga ayah beri novel ini. pinjam, sebenarnya. tapi tak mengapa. sekurang-kurangnya bolehlah aku racunkan rasa bosan sementara menunggu panggilan temuduga. sekarang, label aku ialah penganggur. bukan lagi perantau.

bekas perantau. 

Aziz Jahpin. Kubaca nama penulisnya. aku jamu mata dengan ilustrasi kulitnya. kulit novel itu dominan warna kuning matahari-pukul-sepuluh-pagi. ada garisan-garisan rambang yang mungkin dihasilkan daripada pen marker hitam atau berus kaligrafi dan dakwat. (aku cuma mengagak.) garisan tersebut menegak dari atas ke bawah. sedikit-sedikit sahaja yang melintang. garisan tersebut seolah-olah membentuk sekumpulan manusia yang sedang berdiri berlatarbelakangkan pokok-pokok yang tinggi. di belakang pokok-pokok tersebut pula ada garisan-garisan halus silang pangkah yang aku tebak sebagai awan serta rupa bulat berwarna putih yang mungkin boleh aku namakannya; bulan penuh. pada dada-dada manusia tadi juga ada warna putih. di depan mereka pula ada garisan lingkaran yang tidak sempurna dan kelihatan seperti dicakar-cakar. macam kawad duri. di bahagian paling bawah, ada tulisan huruf besar bermukataip Franklin Gothic Heavy Bold.

PULANGLAH PERANTAU.

29-11-2013

bual bicara bersama Ajib (mukasurat II)

Ajib murung. dari tempat duduk sebelah pemandu, aku renung mata Ajib. dia tak toleh. aku renung lagi lama. pun dia tak toleh. tak gila babi macam selalu, masa itu dia pandu kereta dengan 'slowmo'. 

Ajib : dua tiga menjak ni, mak aku 'touching' je. lauk aku hidang dari pagi pun tak di-apa-kan. macam tu, macam tu la (macam mana aku hidang, macam itulah kesudahannya). 

aku : layankan je la Ajib..orang tua memang la macam tu. macam mana kita datang, macam tu la kita balik. blablabla...blablabla...blablabla

Ajib : ................................. *angguk lemah.

sepanjang perjalanan lebih dua ratus batu, dia banyak senyap. salah aku, aku sepatutnya faham bukan alasan atau ulasan yang dia minta tetapi dia perlu seseorang untuk pinjamkan dia telinga.

checkmate.

clearly, it's a trap of its own. it's you who put yourself in that trap but you blame Mak. now you're gunning for our sympathy but hey, you know it's too late. i don't mean to hurt you...you taught us that every mistake comes with its punishment. remember that? we want no more reasons from you neither will we give any for the silence we made when you asked us to talk. you never listened, so we'll never tell. silence IS the answer. look, you better finish what you have started fourteen years ago or Mak will.

listen.

so kids will listen to you.

happy teacher's day.

dongak.

Allah...siapalah aku untuk meminta-minta...
tapi, siapa lagi untuk aku meminta-minta selain daripada Kau.

pandangan kita adalah di mana kita berada.

kau cerita pung pang pung pang masa kau duduk kat kerusi sebelah pemandu tu bukan main lagi. hakikatnya, bila kau duduk kat kerusi pemandu, situasinya 110% berbeza daripada apa yang kau bayangkan. sebab apa? sebab bila kau duduk kat kerusi sebelah tu, yang kau buat cuma cakap. cakap cakap cakap. 

cakap

cakap

cakap lagi.

kat kerusi pemandu, kau bukan setakat kena perhati betul-betul apa yang kau nampak, tapi kena fikir dan kena dengar. termasuklah dengar apa yang orang kat kerusi sebelah pemandu tu pung-pang-kan. yang paling serius, kau kena bertindak. cepat.

acquaintances.

Dear Allah, i understand if You take them away from me...they first took away me from You. because i'm Yours.

truly Yours.

orang.

aku : kenapa mak pukul?

mak : sebab pukul la kau jadi orang.

aku : manusia tak boleh berperasaan takut dan sayang terhadap satu orang yang sama dalam satu-satu masa. kita fikir, dengan memukul kanak-kanak, kita dapat menyebabkan kanak-kanak itu mengikut perintah kita tetapi kita lupa bahawa sedikit demi sedikit kita kehilangan rasa hormat kanak-kanak tersebut terhadap kita. kita lupa suatu hari nanti kanak-kanak itu akan dewasa dan kuat. kita pula akan jadi tua. kita yang lemah. bumi ni berpu- 

mak : kau jangan pukul anak murid...

aku : nanti tak jadi orang.

mak : ...

Dear Phyca,

This is palm estate. And I use this road everyday to go to school.
Real job, real atmosphere and a real brand new experience. It's quite happy but still I must admit, I miss so much things here. And of course one of those things is you.
Till we meet again young girl.
Stay strong. Stay happy.

Sincerely,
Your Sis

teacher's real world is more to management than teaching.

sometimes i feel like quitting

because dealing with children

is much easier than with bureaucracy.

memang seronok.

memang seronok bukan kepalang rasanya bila hari dah gelap, kau duduk kat pinggir bangunan. kat kaki lima. kiri kanan orang kau tak kenal. rumah kau jauh kena lalu highway. tapi dalam dompet kau cuma ada beberapa syiling dan sekeping duit kertas-

ringgit malaysia satu.

memang seronok. 

learner.

everyday is beautiful. to those who open their eyes.

my all.

my friend once asked me.

friend : (cynically) so loaded, huh, you bought them all these expensive farewell gifts? hey, you don't belong to this school forever. we're just doing practical training here. and one day, you'll forget them and they'll forget you. plus, they are all just poor kids who i-don't-think will appreciate what they got. it's such a waste. i don't get it.

i just want to give them what i really wanted when i was their age. my parents gave their best or might be all they have to raise me up even i didn't appreciate them. now i give those kids my best even if they won't appreciate. what is wrong with that? you don't hope for any reply when you give cats a lunch, because you love them, don't you? you know i'm no good. at teaching. but,  i do believe teaching is limitless. not only in a classroom. who knows one day when they grew up, if they still remember this moment, they learn about what love is. i don't expect much. i just want them to not stop learning. because life is all about learning.

i don't know whether she asked for an answer or just wanted to speak her mind. so, i just shut up and didn't give any.